RELATIONSHIP GOALS : UNDERSTANDING EACH ONE'S ATTACHMENT STYLE

Psychology once thought me that there are different kinds of attachment. And there are a lot of attachment theories that you can search on the internet nowadays. Most of the articles I’ve read from psychologist suggests that . Our attachment style affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress and to, sadly, how they end. 

DISCLAIMER : This is going to be a long article, so if a lot of you will request by sending me a comment on the chatbox in this blog. I probably make another article on this topic.

Let us first understand “What is attachment and why is it important?”

Attachment refers the particular way in which you relate to other people. Your style of attachment was formed at the very beginning of your life, during your first two years.  Once established, it is a style that stays with you and plays out today in how you relate in intimate relationships and in how you parent your children. 

Now, let’s dig deeper and see what are the TYPES OF ATTACHMENT.

Secure Attachment:

Ideally, from the time infants are six months to two years of age, they form an emotional attachment to an adult who is attuned to them, that is, who is sensitive and responsive in their interactions with them. It is vital that this attachment figure remain a consistent caregiver throughout this period in a child’s life. During the second year, children begin to use the adult as a secure base from which to explore the world and become more independent. A child in this type of relationship is securely attached. 

Avoidant Attachment:

There are adults who are emotionally unavailable and, as a result, they are insensitive to and unaware of the needs of their children. They have little or no response when a child is hurting or distressed. These parents discourage crying and encourage independence. Often their children quickly develop into “little adults” who take care of themselves. 

Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment:

Some adults are inconsistently attuned to their children. At times their responses are appropriate and nurturing but at other times they are intrusive and insensitive. Children with this kind of parenting are confused and insecure, not knowing what type of treatment to expect. 

Disorganized Attachment:

When a parent or caregiver is abusive to a child, the child experiences the physical and emotional cruelty and frightening behavior as being life-threatening. This child is caught in a terrible dilemma: her survival instincts are telling her to flee to safety but safety is the very person who is terrifying her.  

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Now that you have been introduced to the different types of attachment , probably it is time to assess yourself and find out how your style of attachment impacts of current relationship.

I might be posting an article soon on a quick assessment guide on your attachment style. Let me know if this will be relevant for you. Just send me a comment.

According to an article on pyschalive.org. attachment research demonstrates that “the best predictor of a child’s security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those childhood experiences.” The key to “making sense” of your life experiences is to write a coherent narrative, which helps you understand how your childhood experiences are still affecting you in your life today.